Today is the day of the ceremony and the day where I feel sorry for Offred the most. What has this world come to? I finish up the part I was fixing for the car when I heard the bell. The bell calls us all together into Mrs. Joy's sitting room. Why must I come to the meeting? I realize we are all part of the house hold but why does the Commander insist on reading the bible to us everyday? I could have finished everything today if it weren't for that damn bell. I put down the part and reach over for the handkerchief on the table. I pick up the old oil stained piece of cloth and take time to get all the grease and oil off of my hands. I may not like going to the reading but I certainly don't want to be rude and attend covered in grime. I walk through the corridors of the house until I reached the sitting room. The first thing that hits me is the smell; the smell of old furniture and near dead flowers and a hint of something else...lemon maybe.
As I walk into the room I look at the women lining up for the daily reading and nod to them, the only greeting that I feel comfortable using while others are around, but most of all I look at...no...I gaze at Offred. I study her face; the sadness and look of dread just barely showing on her face but it is there non the less. I wish I could provide her comfort and show her that she is wanted in this world; wanted not for her ability to give birth but for herself as a person. I walk over to Offred and stand behind her and ever so gently I touch my boot to her foot. As I do this I observe her face, or at least what I could see of it, and study her reaction. I can tell how much of an affect this has on her. I can see it written on her face but only for a brief moment. I revel from the feeling of warmth being transferred between us. It's like returning from playing in the snow as a child and your mother has a warm mug of hot chocolate waiting for you. And as you swallow you feel the blissful warmth spread soothingly down to your very core. But as soon as this delightful feeling begins it is torn away from me. I realize Offred has moved her foot away from mine.
"Wish he'd hurry up," says Cora.
"Hurry up and wait," I say. And I laugh at the ridiculousness of this whole meeting. I don't know how much more I can take. I begin to miss that warm feeling I had only moments ago. It's like a drug that is both mentally and physically addicting. So I move my foot again so it is touching Offred's, thankfully no one can see due to her skirt. Sadly once again I cannot enjoy this feeling for long as Offred moves her foot away from mine. I'm disappointed but I do understand. She is afraid of being caught and who could blame her? One wrong move and she is shipped off to the colonies. But who would know what we're doing? No one can see so why not give herself this relief.
There are words I wish I can say to her. Words that could get me killed if I ever truly said them. So now I hope that Offred knows what I am trying to say in this silent speech. This speech that is told by the warmth between us. You may not know it Offred but you are wanted.
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